Archive for November, 2010

That is to say this post not me…. I received an email on facebook today from someone informing me that my blog was being plagiarized. I followed the link and found exact copies of some of my posts on another person’s blog. The entries stolen arent even a story or creative work of mine rather than my personal thoughts and musings, journal entries. Why would anyone do this.

The worst thing is that there is a blurb on the site on the right side saying how all the work was solely that person’s and everyone should work together to curb plagiarism. What the hell?! Talk about some stones on this jerk. You look at the posts and be the judge, check the dates. And if you find a way to contact this person give them a piece of my mind.

The man’s name is Matt Faye, as his blogger.com profile states and apparently he likes to write, when he has original thoughts.

My post=  https://crackedillusion.wordpress.com/2010/10/28/avoidance-is-not-possible/

Plagiaristic Bastard’s = http://theworthofmyironpen.blogspot.com/

Avoidance is not possible

So Pissed!



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I am a complete whore when it comes to electronics. Selling myself out to the hockers of electronic wares. I am really pathetic when it comes to this. It does not help that I work in a field that thrives on technology, cellphone carrier. Every time that we get something new in I have to play with it and try it. “Ooo look at that shiny!” When you are around things like this every day and have such a drive it tends to be a bad thing. Now granted I don’t have a ton of things, well, now that I think about it probably more then a lot of people. So often though I get something and then the novelty wears off then I just spent a bunch of money on something I don’t use.

Lately I have been jonesing for tablet computers. Some will call me a complete hypocrite. On some level I am. When the ipad came out I pretty much relegated it to a fad. Something that was more a toy than anything else. Some of its limitations set me up to feel this way. No USB, no hdmi, no expandable memory and the normal over inflated apple price. I will give you that once it is in your hands it is a thing of beauty. It is built solidly and works very well. But I just can’t see plunking down $700 dollars for one when my laptop that can do everything, cost about the same. I have had the urge to take a look at tablets again though. I see that there is some advantages. Portability and ease of use highest up the list. So I have been doing some research. One of the first devices I looked at was the Samsung Galaxy Tab. This is a sharp device. It has the newest android software, a brilliant touch screen and full android app market access. the down side is the requirement of a data plan from another wireless carrier. Given that I work at a regional carrier and already have access I don’t see forking over the dollars to start up a new account. We don’t have the device yet and I can dream of it in the future. the second hold back for me is the cost. This device is still pretty pricy for what you are getting, apple set the bar high and they are following in the same footsteps.

Archos 70 Internet Tablet

I looked at a few other devices and the one I keep returning to now is the Archos 70 Internet Tablet. The device is supposed to be released this week, on November 18th. I say supposed to because it has been delayed on more than one occasion. The device does have some points going for it. It has a full USB 2.0 port, hdmi port, bluetooth, android 2.1 (upgradeable to 2.2) and best for me the ability to purchase a device with a 250gb hard drive. This is the one thing with tablets I did not understand. Why create a device like this with such little memory when you can’t really run software off of a disk with it. Everything has to be stored on the device, games, movies, music, apps. So many of these devices only have 8 gb memory expandable with sd cards up to 32. Even the ipad only has 64 gb with its most expensive model. I have 16gb of music alone stored on my phone. I don’t want to have to pick and chose what I can store on this type of device if I am plunking down a sizable amount of my pay check. When it comes to cost the device has found a nice place in the market as well. The device, with the largest hard drive, is going to be priced around $370. Seems like a good value to me. So a lot of pros to look at.

There are some drawbacks. The device is not google certified so it will not have full android market access. They offer their own version of the app store but it will not have as many apps. Definitely a strike against it. But as I searched different devices I only found 2 so far that have this certification. The Samsung Galaxy Tab and something called a Huawei. Hua what? I have never heard of this company before. It was an option though as you did not need to purchase a wireless agreement to use it, but again the memory capabilities are pathetic. No thank you. Another negative for the Archos is that it does not have GPS capabilities. This is a drawback too, but one can get an add on to use through the usb if you want it for directions.

Galaxy Tab

No device seems to be perfect but as I look I think this one has the most positives for the money. So many devices have 1 or two great selling points but there is always a drawback that has me feeling uncomfortable with having them as a viable option. So in my head this seems to be the answer. The company has been around for more than a decade and making media and tablet devices for about just as long. Out of anything out there this is the only one that does not have something holding me back. Now I just have to figure out where I can get one, and hope that I will get more use out of this than so many other gadgets in my life.


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“Paging doctor emery, Paging doctor emery, ext 246” The intercom sounded and disappeared into the background. LC paced in the emergency room waiting area. He could tell that he was making those around him nervous, the mothers with their sick children, and all the others waiting outside for their family members who were carted off and tucked away in unseen rooms behind curtains being cared for. LC was a bundle of emotions, worry, anger, excitement and furry. He wanted to lash out at something so badly. His fists were balled and his knuckles drained of blood and white, skin taught against the joints of his fingers. One of his fists was to his side and the other was placed firmly against his upper teeth. He dug into it until he could finally feel the pain. There was no doubt in his mind who had done this to his friend. No doubt who would pay for this. The law was now far removed from his mind, all semblances of getting justice were now skewed to getting revenge, which was a whole new game. LC could live with getting shot at and taking a bullet, but when his friends and loved ones were brought into this it was a whole knew game and there was a new set of rules to live by. He could feel his breathing growing deeper and more forceful. Anger began to overcome all other emotions. He was a bull, tormented and caged, trying to break free and run around the arena, finding anything to point its fury at.

The walls of the emergency room began to close in on him, making him feel their presence more and more. The fluorescent light buzzing inside his head, the eyes of all those waiting patients and worried others began to pierce into his mind. He could not take it any longer and stormed out of the waiting area. He jogged past the admittance desk and found the sliding doors that opened to the entrance of the ER. He slowed just in time for the doors to open and burst out into the cold night air. The relief was immediate but fleeting. Indigo, the man in black, they would all pay for this, somehow. His mind was humming with scenes of revenge and wrath.

LC found himself walking away from the hospital. He had no idea what he was doing, just walking, staying in motion, trying to use some of the energy and adrenaline that he had built up inside of him. The private detective had seen some bad things in his life, being a cop it was part of the job, but it was easier to remove yourself and stay focused when the victim was not linked so closely to you. He had however never seen someone so tortured as he had his friend, and especially that he had survived the beating and pain, so far. LC wanted to know more about sam’s chances but the doctors quickly kicked him out of the room when he began to get in the way with his worrying and questions. He was angry at them too, but could not blame them.

As LC walked he looked down at his hands in the darkness and saw the black streaks in the dim light of the blood that was beginning to dry on his hands and shirt. He looked a menacing fright to anyone who saw him, his tan polo shirt stained in blood, sam’s blood. Stumbling over a curb he came to a patch of grass shaded by trees and a bench. The area was meant to be a respite for those visiting sick ones, or a place for workers to get some fresh air. He knelt down upon the grass and rubbed his hands in the cold dewy grass, trying to wipe the blood from his hands. Furious he rubbed them until they were a mix of grass dirt and blood. He pounded his fists into the ground  and slouched down, feeling defeated.

He could not get the image of the basement out of his head. No man should ever have to endure such pain. If he wanted to hurt him just do it, just finish it. The tormentor had to enjoy this, get some pleasure from it to inflict such agony and still have the man alive. The means used were interrogation at its darkest. The kind that the outside world did best not knowing about. This character was a real threat and not to be taken lightly. He sent an obvious calling card by his actions tonight. Sam was in this place because of him. LC brought this on his friend, he was the bringer of death to those he was closest too. He began to beat himself up, more and more, his fists now pounding into his thighs. He even punched at his wounded side so that he could feel the sharp pain that he deserved. His scream cracked through the stillness of the night.

As he sat there on that cold November night, snowflakes began to fall from the sky. Their white icy dots landing on the man’s thinning hair, melting quickly. The season was changing again, soon fall would turn into winter and the snow would stay around longer forming a blanket of white everywhere. Hiding the death of the season past. LC tipped his head back and closed his eyes letting the flakes land upon his face. The cool feeling was a relief against the heat that had built up from his emotions. He did not move. The body of the detective stayed still, trying to let the cold take him to his core, to let it cool the fire inside of him. It only served though as a sharp contrast, the cold and quiet of the late autumn night, versus the fire and passion of the emotions inside of him.

“LC?” A man called out as he approached the grassy area from across the parking lot. LC did not respond except for to lower his head again. The moisture from the snow streamed slowly down his face. “LC what are you doing out here?” Barry stepped towards the man and lade a hand on his shoulder. “You are going to get yourself sick”

“I deserve it Barry, I deserve it” He said not looking at the man, his eyes still closed.

“Are you alright? You look terrible. You are shivering” The man shook his shoulder lightly trying to get him to look up at him, it was no use though. “What happened….I am not taking a statement right now, the time will come, I am just asking as a friend” Barry remained standing behind him, hand still resting on his shoulder.

“I should be the one in that hospital room, not Sam, he did not do anything wrong!” Anger filled his voice again.

“Did you do something wrong?” Barry asked and then shifted his weight a bit when LC did not answer “I am not implying that you did, just the way you said it”

“I just went after the truth, and found that there was a greater force trying to protect it. They used Sam to get to me, I’m sure of it. The bastard tortured him” LC took a deep breath trying to collect himself. The snow began to fall harder and harder, still not enough to accumulate on the grass, but enough to begin to soak his shirt. It began to cling to him. He began to shiver more forcefully.

“What man are you talking about?” This was the first he had mentioned it, maybe it was a slip. He was going to endanger even more.

LC shook his head quickly “I told sam too much, not even anything important and look where it got him. Do you think anyone who could do that would be stopped by a badge. I don’t think so, if I tell you anything else I am putting you in the damn headlights. I can’t” Barry released his hand from the kneeling man’s shoulder and took a seat on the steel bench that was a few feet away.

“LC, I can’t help you if I don’t know what is going on. I can still leave things from being included in anything official till we know what is going on, but Christ look at yourself, do you think you can handle this on your own, someone is already in the hospital over this!” barry immediately wanted to take the last words back as soon as they left his mouth but it was too late and hurt more for the fact that truth rang through them. LC shot the man a glare and stood up, walking a few feet off into the distance staring off into the blackness of the woods that lined the property of the hospital. “Even if you don’t tell me everything you are going to have to figure out some way to come up with a story for what happened and how you were the one to stumble upon the scene. Nothing can stop that from happening.”

LC hated to admit that the man was right. If he wanted to keep things shielded from the public eye till he knew more he had to have some other reason for finding sam the way he did. There was no easy solution. Barry could be a valuable resource, LC struggled with the idea though of putting someone else in harm’s way.

“LC I am a grown man, if I ask to help you and let me in on this I know that there are risks. I am not Sam” Barry rose from the bench and walked slowly up to his old partner. “I am a cop, I take risks every day, some more measured then others. It is part of the job. If this is risky so be it…. I just don’t want to see you shoulder it alone. You have to tell me what is going on. Otherwise no more coming and asking me for help without throwing me a damn bone. I won’t do it.”

LC turned to his partner, he would have smiled if he could. The man was loyal to the force but also loyal to what he thought was right. The two things did not always jive in the past, but a few years will change some of those feelings. Barry put his arm on his back and began to guide him back to the hospital.

“Now you gotta get back inside, your teeth are clattering worse than a locomotive. Come on” the two of them crossed the dark parking lot and went back into the warmth and light of the hospital emergency room. The night was far from over.


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So often I become involved in a grand idea. Whether it is a new past time, hobby or any other means of distraction. I put so much effort into it that eventually I am burned out by it and lose all interest. This really is a regular cycle for me. One that I truly despise but have come to expect that it is part of who I am. Last night I finally accomplished something that is more of a personal victory than anything else recently in my life. Too many people it may not be a big deal or may just be another crazy idea that I am putting all of my heart into. To me though this is something I can finally hang my hat on. Last night at around 10:45 pm I reached the monthly target of 50,000 words, which roughly translates to a novel of about 175 pages. This is the goal of the National Novel Writing Month better known as NaNoWriMo.

This is the first time I have been successful at it, having only really competed one other time. That time I gave up on it like I have with so many other things in my life. I even had a good start and a good idea for a story as was told to me by a good friend. I still have this partial first draft and may revisit it in the future. This is a big thing to me. One of those moments I want to shout from the roof top, if not for the fact that people may believe me to be losing my mind. Now I have to refocus myself on completing my novel in the time frame of the month, which is my personal goal I have set for myself. I do not know how long my story will end up being but I have twenty days to reach that goal.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am holding back on the ideas of grandeur. I know that this is not something I should inflate my hopes too much with. It is still and will always be a dream to be published some day. To be honest though i don’t know if anything I am writing is any good. I will say this though. Some of the characters are feeling more and more alive to me. The character of LC Everett, my private detective seems to ring the loudest with me. There is something about his honesty and drive for the truth and the way he wants to protect his friends that has me drawn more into him than anybody else. It is becoming easier and easier for me to write the chapters that ivolve him because the words come to life inside my head and I just have to do what I can to transfer them to my fingers.

Anyways I just wanted to share in my jubilation. Nanowrimo, check. Novel completion, next on the list. Time to keep plowing ahead.


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(unedited, don’t care about errors)

The old man began to stir in the chair he was now prisoner too. The sentry sat in front of him and a little off to the side into the darkness beyond the light of the overhead bulb that lit the area near the beam. Sentry sat still and quiet, just watching as awareness began to creep into the old man’s eyes. He shook his head apparently trying to clear the haze from the hit he had taken earlier. He had been out for nearly an hour, no doubt he had already sustained a concussion. The doctor began to blink and look around the room, his head bobbing and swaying slightly in the slowly returning consciousness. Sam coughed a few times and winced at the pressure it applied to the wound on his head.

“How nice of you to finally wake up, such a rude host to stay asleep for so long.” Sentry said from the shadows and the doctor immediately turned towards the sound of the voice. His vision was no doubt still blurry as he blinked hard trying to clear his eyes.

“Who are you?” Sam coughed again, wincing “What are you doing in my house and why do you have me tied up down here.”

“You sure ask a lot of questions being the one who is tied up with nowhere to go. Don’t think you can set the tone of things.” Sentry rose from the shrouded chair and stepped into the light. He was an imposing figure, dressed all in black. Black pants that looked suited to someone in special ops. A black jacket, full of pockets and zippers covered his torso, it looked like something a pilot would wear, maybe just a little different. He had on his black sunglasses, horned rimmed, his hair slicked back tight and neat. He still had his black leather gloves on and a pair of black combat boots. Even wearing them he still made no noise as he he approached the prisoner and knelt down before him. “I will be the one asking the questions here Doctor Samuel Greggory.” He reached a gloved hand to the bounds mans chin and squeezed it firmly. “Do you understand that?” Sam spat in the mans face, a smear hung against his sunglasses. “Now that was a mistake.” Sentry patted sam’s cheek mockingly and stood up.

“Screw you… Let me out of here” Sam began to struggle against his bindings but failed to make any headway. The dark figure took off his glasses and withdrew a handkerchief from his pocket to clean them, and then his face. How disgusting he thought as he replaced the glasses and went to the old end table that housed his tools. Sam began to shout and yell at the top of his lungs. The noise echoed around the basement. Sentry picked up the straight edge razor blade that was on the table and held it up to the light. Sam instantly froze, staring at the item as it glinted in the light. Its clean stainless steel surface shining brightly.

“Do you really think that anyone is going to hear you down here? I don’t think so.” He shook his head and looked at the tool in his hand and then back at the tied up man. “If I were you I would save your strength. You are going to need it.” Sam’s eyes grew big as the captor stepped towards him. Realization filled the spaces that were not held to terror.

“You!..you are the one that shot LC!” He tried to struggle against the tape and bindings again but it was as futile as the first attempt.

“Ahh, so you know about that. Maybe this will go a little easier than I thought, but that really isn’t any fun. I like to have to work for it a bit. What has Mr Everrett told you his recent endeavors?” He began to reach the blade out towards the man’s face. He grabbed his hair with his other hand and held on tight so that the man could not thrash his head about.

“He hasn’t told me anything. What do you want? I haven’t done anything!” Sam yelled looking at the man, his eyes flitting back and forth to the blade.

Sentry pulled his head back “Not good enough Mr Greggory” The blade sliced across the man’s cheek causing a gaping wound. Crimson blood instantly began to flow from the slice. The man screamed. This time with more gusto than he had before. Sentry turned and grabbed the cotton rag from the table and shoved it forcefully into the man’s mouth. HE mumbled and cried from behind it, gurgled noises tried to make their way out.

The captor began to circle around the old man. Sam’s eyes were trying to pop their way out of his head, the terror that filled them was a little joy to the man as he circled around the chair, like a bird of prey circling what was to be its next meal. This was much easier than any conflict in nature though. There was no chance that his target was going to find a way out of this one. The trap was already closed tightly around the poor prey.

“If you want this to be as easy as it can be you will tell me everything that I need to know.” The man in black stopped in front of sam and in a slow methodical motion reached his armed hand towards the man. Sam’s eyes remained transfixed on the blade. Sentry held it in front of his face, tormenting him. In a quick motion he sliced across the man’s forehead opening a new wound that soon bled into the prisoners eyes. Gurgled pleas came from behind the cotton cloth. Sam’s face was now a mix of crimson red and ashen white. All the color drained from the unbloodied flesh, or what was left of it. Sentry brought his other hand in quickly to the man’s stomach and punched hum forcefully. Sam began to struggle to breath. Sentry went to the table and placed the razor blade down and picked up the hammer that was sitting neatly on its top. He walked over and tore the gag from sam’s mouth as he struggled to breath. He gasped, sucking in air through ragged lungs. He coughed and choked as he tried to find his voice. “Now if you scream again the rag goes back in, and you might not be able to breathe. You don’t want that now do you?” He asked with a menacing smile on his face. Sam shook his head and looked down at the hammer in the mysterious man’s hands.

“What do you want?” Sam, slowly began to catch his breath, the gasps grew less forceful. The dark clad man stepped forward, dragging the small coffee table behind him. The sound it made as it scraped against the concrete floor was similar to nails on a chalkboard. Psychological warfare was something that Sentry enjoyed, not as much as actual physical warfare, but it was all part of the bigger picture. He placed the table in front of sam and pulled his bound hands to it. He held his wrists there with one hand and held the hammer out at his side.

“I want you to tell me the truth. I want you to tell me everything that you know about LC Everett…. You lie and you pay. If you satisfy me, I may just make this quick.” He slammed the hammer down against the older man’s hand. The sound of fingers breaking from the force could be heard. Sam screamed and then cut the noise out quickly, too afraid to anger the man. His fingers were a mangled mess of twisted flesh and bone. He sobbed, his tears mixing with the blood that stained his face. “Now that I have your attention we can continue”


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I was in an odd mood yesterday, I could only classify it as being manic. Extra talkative, joking around and being more up than anything else. Swinging a bit is part of my life but the pendulum tends to be stuck in the lower portions of that swing more often than not. For the most part I would consider my mood a good thing, if not for the fact that it was a nice sidebar from what my life usually is. Dwelling on negative things tends to consume me so it was nice just to have some energy and be a little excitable. At the end of the work day I did have some conversations with my coworkers that went more into the darker places of my life. Dealing with my past and relationships and trying to move on in my life. I always worry in hindsight that I am sharing too much. I worry that I am coming off a but batty and most likely I am, hopefully in an endearing way. It can be endearing right? I am going to think that it can. One of my coworkers has gone through something similar as me in recent history so it is nice to talk to her because at least I know she understands. I probably rely too heavily on my work friendships to talk about such things, but they really are the only people I talk to on a regular basis. I am around them more than anybody else. It may be convenience but also in a way i trust them because I know them.

On a side note my novel is coming along. I should make the nanowrimo goal by this weekend, though the novel will nowhere near be finished I will have succeeded at the monthly contest. I had to break down yesterday and plan out a few chapters after the first 38,000 words were written from the hip with no real story line. I felt the need to do so, so that I could start reigning in some of the characters stories so that they could begin to come back together for the climax of the story. I am happy with my progress but must admit that writing in a more real life setting instead of sci fi or fantasy has been more difficult for me than I expected. It has been a challenge but that is a good thing.

Well I work today then have three days off to so some marathon writing. Hope all are having a good day.


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My mind is a machine that is never at rest. It rarely stops moving or flashing from thought to thought, memory to memory. For the most part this is not a good thing. There are times though when this can be used to my advantage if I am able to focus those thoughts in a certain direction. Nanowrimo has given me that oppurtunity and it really is amazing how quickly things can change.

I know this is only day number 5 but I have already noticed a few things. Once I started to think of a story to write it seemed that all of my free time is spent thinking of where I am headed and working out different possibilities. Usually I am filled with depressing thoughts and so many “what ifs” and “Could have done betters” that I want to scream and pull my hear out. It is the nature of my mind. Having something positive to focus on is a wonderful relief. The empty moments are filled with somthing constructive now. When I think of these things I just feel better that I am trying to accomplish something and not just dwelling on things that I can no longer change. These thoughts are centered more on a future that I am still building and creating, even if it is only in a fictional world.

Granted, I realize that I don’t even know if what I am writing is any good, to be honest I don’t really care. I just want to keep working on it, and I desperately hope that I can maintain this even after nanowrimo is done. Nano may have been the catalyst that started me on writing again, I need to take the initiative though to keep fueling the fire that is my creativity. So many times I let an obsession and new task take me, only to let it sit on the back burner a few weeks down the road. I cannot do that any longer. I have to stick with something and see it through. This task brings me peace and it keeps one of the last dreams I have alive. the dream of one day finishing a novel.

Here’s hoping I can see it through.


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