Archive for March, 2011

It seems to be a story that is told in cinema time and time again. An unexpected love blooms into a life all its own. Ups and downs fill that life until threads are pulled and things start to unravel due to personal demons, and not the fact that there is no more love there. The heart still feels even though things must come to an end and this causes even that much more pain. It can be seen in the eyes when goodbye is finally said for what feels the last time. The two individuals head down different paths. One path leads to the bottom of a life that has seen its decent last a little too long. He is given the chance though to make the decision to either start the climb back to the top or slowly die in the remnants of his life. The decision is made to look to the top.

The other looks to another life full of other possibilities. The two of them moving on in their lives working at the happiness that they see that they can have. Time comes and goes. Life moves along and stability builds in the man’s life, his worst demons finally safely locked in the cells where they belong. Happiness and a comfort in his life have settled in and after so many years finally feels as a grown man should. No longer feeling like some immature kid thrown into a life he was not ready for.

One day out of the blue a message he receives from the one who had his heart so firmly a few years past. Surprise is one of many emotions felt. A message sent at reconnecting a friendship that once meant so much. A debate wages inside his mind. Reminders of what went wrong and also the emotions and joy that was also felt being around her. In the end he comes to the understanding that his life is in a different place now. A different man and more a truer him than he has ever been in his life.

Messages back and forth lead to a meeting. Dinner and hanging out. talking, reconnecting, laughing and playing some games. It is a surreal feeling for him. Having her there, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. How can two people who have seen life take them so far away after being so close be so comfortable? There would be more talks back and forth and other times hanging out, just relaxing and watching a movie or playing some games. Every time a feeling growing in him that his heart has never changed. The drum beat that was her inside his head only softened to a distant drown instead of the roar that it once was. That beat becoming a little louder again. He knows that she has been through a lot in life, her pacing at it maybe different, but still a journey that took a lot from her. All he wants is to be there for her. All he wants is to make her laugh and show her that life can be a thing to smile at again. He can feel that there is a bond there, but also a pain from a betrayal she has felt.

His head wants to yell at him to take it slow but his heart and soul want to jump in. A battle that wages in his mind. In the end his true self is one built on emotion and always has been. The heart can lead us to feel some of the greatest joys in life but this also leaves us open to pain if things do not go as planned. If life always went as planned we would never be so amazed at the surprises that it could spring on us. The good moments would never feel so good. The chance of pain makes the highs so much better. He makes his feelings known. He bares himself to her. Lets her know that whatever time it takes is worth it. He has waited almost two years without her in his life and now just enjoys every little moment that they can steal. Every bit of time that they have together. She is scared and rightfully so. He is not going anywhere though. A vow to be there for her, to show her that she can smile and enjoy the moment again.

Sometimes it takes two people going off and living their own lives. Feeling their own joys and pain. Experiencing the world on their own to show them just how much they mean to each other when the world brings them back together again. After what they have both been through they can see what is truly worth it in life. That even though something might not be easy, and may be full of complications it is worth it. Even if the world might think them odd or even a bit crazy. Even if they worry about what their family and friends might think only they know what they feel in their hearts. Only they can really understand where they are at in life and when life has shown you the ups and downs, when you are given a second chance with better circumstances, it is something you have to grasp.



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The heart, a physical substance made of muscle, tissue. It’s function circulating the lifeblood that sustains our cells and and body. It is something that never stops, always pumping and always working. There is no rest for it until the day our last breath escapes our lungs and we grow quiet and still and escape into the blackness that is beyond. It is purely something of function, yet is attached to the emotion that rules our lives. We attach feelings to it that for the most part we cannot explain. Heart is a feeling, something that will not easily be defined. It is the power that drives and something that we cannot deny. We feel the great joys of life through our heart and also the pain when something so great is taken or damaged. It is something that can bring us to the point of physical pain and anguish and also the excitement and elation of something that wants to carry us away. Try to pretend that you have any real control over it and you are just fooling yourself into denial. It is always there, how much you listen to it can be adjusted but the voice that the heart carries is always with us, whispering into the backs of our minds. Sometimes it is just a dull murmur while other times it surges and drowns out the rest of the world. One thing is always certain, no matter where we are in life it tells us how alive we truly are. How human we are that we can feel such things. The pain makes the joys so much better and we feel pain because we once felt something so great. The heart is something that I will never fully understand but I will always listen to it, and always follow it because of the chance, the possibility, that I may feel something great again. The possitive possibilities will always outway the risks of being hurt.


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No matter how much we look towards greatness in the future and relive the mistakes of the past, the only thing that really matters is how we live our lives in the current moment. This is what really shapes us and it is the only thing that we can control. We can live with regret for the past but it will serve no purpose but to drag us down, and on the flip side if we put everything in the hopes of a great or better future we may be nothing but disappointed with the unreal expectations we put on ourselves. I am living for now, living to make this one day in front of me a little better then the last. If I do not, then I can start all over again tomorrow with a fresh perspective and clean slate.

Many will wonder where this is coming from and to be honest there is a great factor in my life that has me looking at what is different about me as a person right now. All I have is what is in front of me right now. And these are the things I can appreciate. Family that is there for me, friends that have my back, a job that I love going to every day and a little place to call my own. I have my hobbies and passions and all the little things that generally make me a happier and more comfortable person than I have ever been in my life. All of this tells me that I am ready for the changes that are coming and are already happening. The biggest change being that someone I have cared about greatly, and still do, is a part of my life again. Life has shown us both a course that has brought us up and down and now to a different place in our make up and understanding. We have both learned some lessons, some pain and some joy. Both of us now a little more mature and knowing of what truly is important in life.

The part of this that pulls on me is how to bring my family and friends into the fold and maybe shed some understanding on the situation. In the end I can’t worry too much on what others think of me. Such thoughts in the past have been poison to me. I know that the only person who really knows how I feel or what i can handle is myself. I know how I have changed and how far I have come and I will not sacrifice that. My life is on an upward path and that trend will continue. Bumps will still show up in the road but I now know how to cope with them and how to make sure that they are just bumps and not cracks that lead to a landslide. Life is always going to happen and some things, most things we have very little control over. I don’t know what the future holds but I know I can’t sabotage it by not taking some risks that may be worth it. Right now I have a great friend in my life to add to everything else I already have.

All any of us can do is live in the moment.


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