Archive for the ‘Childhood’ Category

I was the weird kid growing up, or people would have seen me as so if they could see the worlds I was creating in my imagination to play out my dreams and fascinations. All children do this, imaginary friends, imaginary existence where they wield the control. Children for the most part are always at the whims of the adults around them or their families. They are told when to eat, when to go to the next class and when to go to bed. There are very few things where they are the masters. The extent and duration to me

Imaginary Worlds

are the things that set me apart. I still create imaginary worlds to enter into, where I can be the creator and writer of the scene. Do others still do this. I mean I am a few years short of 30 and this is something that I don’t want to ever give up. Letting go of this is letting my creativity die. Then why not let my body follow.

When I was young I was always playing a different scene. Most often off by myself somewhere or in my room talking to myself and the characters that were in the scene with me. From a hero with a dark past to an up and coming space commander trying to save a planetary system from an unknown threat. Even the unathletic husky kid that I was enjoyed pretending that I was a sports star, creating a football league in my mind, always the quarter back, of course. I would spend hours outside tossing the football in the air to myself and calling the play by play. Yes I had friends, and a brother, but if I played with them the story was not my own and they would never understand what I was trying to do. I much more enjoyed being the story-teller and star in my imagination. It was too hard to share this with others. 

This was not some kid playing with toys, this was a kid using nothing but what could be painted in his mind. A canvas that was

Now Showing

 always ready to be wiped clean and splashed with whatever color that I wanted. The image always changing, a movie always in progress. There was nothing better in the world  and I was never happier then when I was immersed in such a play. I was in control.

Being an adult now I am still the little boy I always was. With this I always have the feeling that I am not really an adult. I am not the same serious man that I see in others. Inside my head I am always screening a new movie and I have the free choice of any seat in the theater. The popcorn is alright but the show is more important. My escapades are a little different now. I tend to let my hobbies or interests mold my journeys, from games, to books and writing. I immerse myself in these things and again I am in control. I can do things I would never be able to do in real life. I can be the hero. I can make the right choices or embrace my dark side. Characters with the will to do what is right but have a dark side or a past marred in tragedy draw my attention. I see them as brothers along the journey of life. They understand that the world is not perfect but make the best of it.

Now even though I should have loved comic books as a kid I never read them. I really cannot understand why when in hindsight they would have been everything I wanted in a great past time. I was always the geeky little kid, I loved Star Wars, Ghostbusters, reading books of all kinds and Batman. I had all of the cool toys and the Batmobile. I loved the Tim Burton movie and watched it to the point where the tape was beginning to wear out. Even with all of this I never read a comic book until I was an adult, shocking I know. Last year I went to see Watchmen when it was in the theater, I would end up seeing it 3 different times at the same theater, I am horrible like that. Anyways the movie stirred my interest in graphic novels since the movie was based on the Alan Moore graphic novel. The decision was made and a new obsession was ignited. I bought the book and a few Batman graphic novels since he was always the hero I enjoyed the most. It was a new world for me. the colors, the action, the dark stories. Everything called to me. The stories were so much better than anything I have seen on tv or in the movies. The power and symbolism of heroes doing what is right with conviction even though they had the right to be angry at the world and lash out with vengeance and blood shed.

My heart on my sleeve

Within weeks I had a large collection of graphic novels and trade paper backs. Part of my childhood was coming back to me. I was immersing myself in the story. Escaping a world I could not control and giving into one that fit what I was feeling. I loved batman as a kid but as an adult I felt even closer to the character with the loss of a parent well far before her time. I knew what loss was, I knew the hole it created and the need it stirred to fill that void. I liked to hope that with everything that had happened to me in my life that if I was put to the fire I would do the right thing and make the right choice. I liked to imagine that I would step up when others needed me that I could find a strength in me to rival the faults and cracks that riddle my life.

I liked to imagine that I was not trapped in this life and this body. Freedom, creator of my world and my scene. Writing the script to what I wanted my life to be. Free.

(Beliefs of an Unknown series to be continued later)


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