Archive for the ‘Possitive’ Category

If I take an outside glance at who I am and where I am at in life i would think a few things. I am not perfect that is for certain, but at least every day I am getting more and more comfortable with who I am and where I have come from.  I have been given pretty much every reason just to throw my hands up in the air and say I give up. This is not to say that there were not times when I was on the edge of that cliff ready to give in. Each day that is further from my memory. Further from who I am now. Yes there are things I still want to change. Some deal with my physical image, and trust me I know, that needs some work. When it comes to lifestyle and the demons that have visited me in the past I seem to have some control over the wicked. Tomorrow will mark 18 months of sobreity, 18 months without a drink. A year and a half of sticking to something so important to me that I could not live with myself if I slipped. I know that this is a lot of pressure to put on ones self but it seems to work for me.  I think on top of how I would feel about myself it is the fact that I could never look my family and friends in the eyes again if I went back to the bottle. I can’t do that to them. They have been there for me and I need to repay them by sticking with it.

No matter what happens with other things in my life at the minimum I can chalk this one up as an accomplishment. With each anniversary I am reminded of this, reminded I did something right. Each anniversary I look back and am amazed to see how far I have come in such a short time. I think there is a greater change in my life though. I feel like for the most part I can say that I am relatively happy now. There are always times when something can get me down, but they do not last as long as they used to. They do not fuel the anxiety in me that I used to feel. I try to just let things go because to be honest there is so much in this life that does not really matter.

I think one of the biggest things I can look at as a possitive influence, besides my family, is the fact that I have a job I actually look forward to going to every day. No matter what I have not had that for too many years now. I am luckier than I deserve when it comes to this. We all seem to laugh and have a good time for the most part. It helps that I am a gigantic smart ass and play up the roll a bit. I like it though when I can make someone laugh or make there day a little better and I think some times I accomplish that. This also helps with the whole staying off the sauce thing because when I get off of work I don’t feel wound up. I don’t feel like I have to blow off steam or quiet my mind, more than the normal. I don’t have that itchy feeling in my skin like I have to escape.

Here is hoping that the next 18 months sees the same trend in my life. Here is hoping that I continue to get better at being me. I have my sobriety, my sanity, a good job, my family and friends.  I need to remember that every day.


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