Posts Tagged ‘Friendship’

Time to take an aside from writing some prose and poetry and shed a little light on what has been going on in my life. Also I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read and also those who commented on my creative entries that I posted over the last couple of days. I appreciate your taking the time to read. I do get a lot of joy from creating something from scratch that comes from deep with in my mind. Anything I write has that much more truth when it is grounded in the reality of my life or feelings and that is true of what I have written recently. I also remember every time I return to my creativity just how much it relaxes me and allows me to feel like I accomplished something when I finish whatever project I am working on.

When it comes to my life and what has been going on with me I am still floating a little bit in the haze of my own wonderment. It still amazes me at how much my life has changed in such a short time. On the longer scale of things I have conquered and climbed a few mountains. On the shorter scale of time I have someone back in my life who I have always felt strongly about and now, this time around those feelings seem to be even stronger. To lose a soulmate and then have them return back into your life after so long is something that I am sure few will ever feel. Some of my friends and family are still hesitant but I know that we are both in much better places in our lives and have a firm foundation to create something so much better than we even experienced in the past.

Some times I still don’t believe that she is in my life. Sometimes I know that I am walking a little too softly afraid to step on any eggshells that might crack. I guess that caution is from knowing that there was a time when I essentially screwed up and took for granted the great thing that was in my life. That is beginning to fade now. I feel that I am more able to just be myself with out worry of stepping in the wrong places. I know more and more that she is with me now because the bond we have was strong enough to survive two years and be rekindled with just a little breath of wind. I feel like I can more and more be just myself. Not to say I was not that before, but I was also very cautious.

I am glad to see the support I am getting from my Dad and Brother. My brother is my best friend and my Dad has always been there for me, no matter what. A week or so ago My brother and his wife, Christina and I and some friends went out bowling and then we all ate dinner at my Brother’s house. We all had a good time and many laughs and things seemed to go very well. I know that Christina is very worried about being reintroduced to my family, and our close family friends. things did go a little messy when we split up, and things were said that should not have been. I worry about this too, as I just want most to be as open as they can and just see what we have right now. The present is the most important thing to live in. I know the time will come when all are comfortable with each other and I also know that the schedule for this will be set by her. All things will come in due time.

When it comes to things in other realms in my life all seems to be going well. I am trying to renew my attempts to become a little healthier. I can see that I have lost weight over the past year. I think the biggest thing is not drinking and not eating as much garbage, or bingeing when I do. More than anything I think that my body is just balancing out now. Even with this I realize I have to get out there and stay active. I have taken to walking every day. For at least 45 min to and hour. I think this is a good start and hopefully I will expand my efforts in the future. Maybe even look at a gym membership or the like. It would be nice to get back into lifting weights.

Work is going as well as ever. My numbers always seem to end the month well over what is expected. I can see after looking beyond the past year and what I am doing right now and every month seems to get better over the same month the previous year. I love my job more and more and count myself lucky to be doing something that I enjoy. July 1st will be my 2 year anniversary there and I can only hope for many more.

Think I have gone on for long enough, but it feels good to put down a good post on life again. Maybe tomorrow I will find the ambition to do some more writing.

Dan 🙂



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I was in an odd mood yesterday, I could only classify it as being manic. Extra talkative, joking around and being more up than anything else. Swinging a bit is part of my life but the pendulum tends to be stuck in the lower portions of that swing more often than not. For the most part I would consider my mood a good thing, if not for the fact that it was a nice sidebar from what my life usually is. Dwelling on negative things tends to consume me so it was nice just to have some energy and be a little excitable. At the end of the work day I did have some conversations with my coworkers that went more into the darker places of my life. Dealing with my past and relationships and trying to move on in my life. I always worry in hindsight that I am sharing too much. I worry that I am coming off a but batty and most likely I am, hopefully in an endearing way. It can be endearing right? I am going to think that it can. One of my coworkers has gone through something similar as me in recent history so it is nice to talk to her because at least I know she understands. I probably rely too heavily on my work friendships to talk about such things, but they really are the only people I talk to on a regular basis. I am around them more than anybody else. It may be convenience but also in a way i trust them because I know them.

On a side note my novel is coming along. I should make the nanowrimo goal by this weekend, though the novel will nowhere near be finished I will have succeeded at the monthly contest. I had to break down yesterday and plan out a few chapters after the first 38,000 words were written from the hip with no real story line. I felt the need to do so, so that I could start reigning in some of the characters stories so that they could begin to come back together for the climax of the story. I am happy with my progress but must admit that writing in a more real life setting instead of sci fi or fantasy has been more difficult for me than I expected. It has been a challenge but that is a good thing.

Well I work today then have three days off to so some marathon writing. Hope all are having a good day.


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Solitude is a two fold thing for me. I find that I enjoy the quiet and time to myself. I like the peace and quiet and the ability to do what I want when I want. I don’t always feel the need to be out there doing something. There is a point though where one as myself begins to worry that I am getting to used to it and withdrawing a bit too much from the rest of society. My life essentially consists of going to work and coming home. That is it, pretty boring person I know.

I brought this up to my boss at work in conversation and he mentioned that he is the same way he laughed when I said I was worried I would become a hermit. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not the crazy shut in who mumbles to himself and has newspapers piled everywhere. I am just comfortable in my own little corner of the world and I do not easily want to break out of the well worn rut that is my life. I feel the need lately to break out of that pattern. I want to go out and do things and be more active. Have a social life as you would say.

Their are two problems with this. One is that I have very few friends. One of them has been a good friend for years and went to school with me. Another lives more then three hours away in another state. The third is my brother Josh who I would consider my best friend. all of these people would be here for me in an instant, but these are all I really have. I have other friends but they remind me of things that are lost in my life as they came from when I was married. It is hard to do anything with them for the memories they would drag up.

The second issue is that in small town wisconsin, having a social life too often means hanging out in bars or being around those drinking in any other place. I no longer drink but I understand that there are times when I have to be less sensitive to such things and not let it get to me. I know that I can be around others who drink as my previous roommate and one of the friends listed above would have beer in the house and drink on occassion and I was never tempted to do the same. I also know that there were times when I highly resented him and became very moody because of the fact that he could drink and I could not.

So you can see this is not the easiest thing in the world. They may be excuses, but if so I am saying them hoping to overcome them. I told somebody at work that I would not mind hanging out some weekend and would not really care if it is at a bar. I guess I just want to be a part of something. I just want to have interactions that draw my mind away from the self destructive thought processes that seap in when I am alone. I know that most of the time my mind is at its clearest when I am at work and chatting with my coworkers, more often than anything bs’ing as I like to say. When I laugh and joke around I forget the demons of my past and my true self seems to shine through the most. I want more of that. I want to be that person more often and I know that I cannot be that way sitting at home all alone living inside my head.




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