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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Day 17 of NaNoWriMo for me has come to an end. This day has been a great success. The week past though was definitely a trying one. A creative and focus road block seemed to be securely in my way. Some days I struggled to even meet the minimum average of 1667 words. Still worse on a few I could not gather the energy to write at all. I let work be an excuse on a couple of days. Granted it is hard to write when one is mentally exhausted from a day at work and working full time.  It is the mid month lull. The excitement of the start of the project is wearing off and the real work seems to set in. Add in that there are some days where the new medications I am on cast a fog over me that is hard to shake and it was a perfect mess.

Today though was the kind of day that re-energizes me. I was able to get my best day of work in. Over 4500 words in and I even felt like I was reaching a nice flow. I brought my average count per day up and I am well on pace to finish the contest goal early. The next challenge will be to see my story to an end. The end being the most difficult part of any of the stories I have written in the past. With this looming over head I did something very different. I skipped ahead, all the way ahead. I wrote the ending to my novel. Brought the story to a climax with a thrilling show down. I loved writing it. It gave me the power to push my characters so far ahead and bring in some new ones as well. This will surely focus me to bring events in the right direction. My stories always seem to sprawl out and I have a hard time bringing everything together to an end. now I have something to work towards.

13 days remaining and I am about 12ooo words from goal. I am excited and hoping my focus stays where it is at now. Wish me luck.

 

Dan

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My life is ever evolving and changing. The future is a path that I only see a step or two at a time. I know the general direction in which I am headed but I don’t really know how I am going to get there or what the end result is going to be. At this point in my life I am okay with that because I know that I am in a good place and have a decent foundation to carry me in the right direction.

My life has changed so much in the past two years and even more so in the past two months. Those changes are continuing and this month there are going to be some pretty big ones. First off after almost two years at work they are moving me into a full time position. Money wise this is not going to be an earth shattering change as I make pretty decent money working 4 days a week. The big advantage will be the benefits, health insurance and vacation. If I could stay where I was when it comes to hours I would, but I cannot give up the chance at insurance. It is a step in the right direction and I know that this will be a great thing for me. I am already starting my schedule and at least that will help this month to go quickly. The speed at which this month passes is an important thing because of the second big change in my life.

On June 1st I will be moving to a much nicer place. It is a 3 bedroom deluxe apartment. The place is gorgeous, vaulted ceilings, two bathrooms, washer and drier in unit, dish washer, large kitchen with breakfast bar, office nook, and a whopping 1300 square feet. That alone is awesome but the fact that I will be moving in with the love of my life makes the moment even that much better. Christina and I have pretty much decided that going slowly just isn’t in the cards for us. We want to spend every free  moment we have together, and her living with friends and me in my tiny apartment with our different schedules just isn’t cutting it. Many will still think we are going too quickly, but we know how we feel and we know how life has changed us. We spent almost 5 years of our lives together and know where things went wrong. Love was never the issue.

I am very much excited for both of these changes and cannot wait to see how the future unfolds before me. Life is still surprising and amazing me, I feel I have to keep letting it do that for me, so much better than being stuck in a dull rut of the mundane. More steps in the right direction, life is ahead of me and the climb is getting easier every day.

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Take me for who I am, not the man I once was
Demons in the dark, long dead and past
Reminders mark the way, histories collapse
Pages long since turned, a future yet written
Life lived by each moment, here and now
Each day another chance, better than the last

Take me for who I am
Right here Right now
Take me for who I am
Here I stand tall
Take me for who I am
Hope is alive

Take me for Who I am, better for who I was
Shadows filled my heart, hid from the day
Life’s light reflects, shadows take their leave
No more regret torn, only a path forward
Never will I be, a perfect image of humanity
A chance though, to become every bit of me

Take me for who I am
Right here Right now
Take me for who I am
Here I stand tall
Take me for who I am
Hope is alive

Take Me
Take Me

by: Dan Bahr

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I have been looking forward to this weekend. My anticipation growing with every day as it gets just a little bit closer. Holidays have always meant a lot to me. Time to be with my family and all of those who I care about. Our busy schedules put aside as we are reminded of what is important in our lives. The ideas of why the holidays are there may not ring as true for me because of my beliefs but the idea of being with those you love elevates them to a special occasion for me. This is even more so the truth this year as I have some very special people back in my life. A woman who I love more than anything in the world and a little man who I want to help create some wonderful memories with.

When children are involved holidays mean so much more. Just the prospect of the special occasion has me reminiscing about my childhood and all of the good memories that I have. I was always so blessed to have a mother and father who cared about us kids deeply and always gave us everything they possibly could. I remember searching for easter eggs and trying to find my hidden basket. I remember that we always had far more than we probably deserved. Looking back we did not know how great we truly had it. Now I want to bring some of that joy into another child’s life. I want to pass on some of the memories that were given to me and hope that he can experience some of the same things. I am looking forward to coloring eggs with Christina and him. Looking forward to Sunday morning and laughter and taking in the moment.

There is so much in my past that I neglected. It really makes you see what counts when the dust of the day is washed away. There are some things in our lives that when we wake up in the morning will hold no meaning, they are just something we have to go through in life. Then there are some things that hold more importance than we can ever fully appreciate. If we can tell which is which, we will be ahead of the game. Each day I think this is becoming more and more clear.

May all of you have a wonderful Easter. I hope that no matter what you are surrounded with friends and family. Make sure that those you love know just how much they mean to you.

🙂 Dan

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Lifes Long Last Tick

 

The weight of the world ways down on me,

Footing slips and inches are given.

A desperate search no holds to see,

My fate in life is all but chosen.

 

The black abyss below reaches out,

It’s cold tendrils securely find hold.

A last breath given to life’s last bout,

No doubt what stories there will be told.

 

A peace is known in that last moment,

Surrender’s certainty ending known.

All my energy and heart long spent,

Fighting for everything all alone.

 

Times long last beat ticks upon my soul,

In that second a revelation.

Panic shakes screams ring inside my skull,

This is not my end nor my station.

 

I tear at the earth sod stone and dirt,

Anything, anywhere but below.

Far too much here for me to desert,

The bare fields of my life still to sew.

 

The weight lifts from my tired shoulder,

Its burden lessened by what can be.

The chance to live on and grow older,

No longer known what ending I’ll see.

 

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Time to take an aside from writing some prose and poetry and shed a little light on what has been going on in my life. Also I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read and also those who commented on my creative entries that I posted over the last couple of days. I appreciate your taking the time to read. I do get a lot of joy from creating something from scratch that comes from deep with in my mind. Anything I write has that much more truth when it is grounded in the reality of my life or feelings and that is true of what I have written recently. I also remember every time I return to my creativity just how much it relaxes me and allows me to feel like I accomplished something when I finish whatever project I am working on.

When it comes to my life and what has been going on with me I am still floating a little bit in the haze of my own wonderment. It still amazes me at how much my life has changed in such a short time. On the longer scale of things I have conquered and climbed a few mountains. On the shorter scale of time I have someone back in my life who I have always felt strongly about and now, this time around those feelings seem to be even stronger. To lose a soulmate and then have them return back into your life after so long is something that I am sure few will ever feel. Some of my friends and family are still hesitant but I know that we are both in much better places in our lives and have a firm foundation to create something so much better than we even experienced in the past.

Some times I still don’t believe that she is in my life. Sometimes I know that I am walking a little too softly afraid to step on any eggshells that might crack. I guess that caution is from knowing that there was a time when I essentially screwed up and took for granted the great thing that was in my life. That is beginning to fade now. I feel that I am more able to just be myself with out worry of stepping in the wrong places. I know more and more that she is with me now because the bond we have was strong enough to survive two years and be rekindled with just a little breath of wind. I feel like I can more and more be just myself. Not to say I was not that before, but I was also very cautious.

I am glad to see the support I am getting from my Dad and Brother. My brother is my best friend and my Dad has always been there for me, no matter what. A week or so ago My brother and his wife, Christina and I and some friends went out bowling and then we all ate dinner at my Brother’s house. We all had a good time and many laughs and things seemed to go very well. I know that Christina is very worried about being reintroduced to my family, and our close family friends. things did go a little messy when we split up, and things were said that should not have been. I worry about this too, as I just want most to be as open as they can and just see what we have right now. The present is the most important thing to live in. I know the time will come when all are comfortable with each other and I also know that the schedule for this will be set by her. All things will come in due time.

When it comes to things in other realms in my life all seems to be going well. I am trying to renew my attempts to become a little healthier. I can see that I have lost weight over the past year. I think the biggest thing is not drinking and not eating as much garbage, or bingeing when I do. More than anything I think that my body is just balancing out now. Even with this I realize I have to get out there and stay active. I have taken to walking every day. For at least 45 min to and hour. I think this is a good start and hopefully I will expand my efforts in the future. Maybe even look at a gym membership or the like. It would be nice to get back into lifting weights.

Work is going as well as ever. My numbers always seem to end the month well over what is expected. I can see after looking beyond the past year and what I am doing right now and every month seems to get better over the same month the previous year. I love my job more and more and count myself lucky to be doing something that I enjoy. July 1st will be my 2 year anniversary there and I can only hope for many more.

Think I have gone on for long enough, but it feels good to put down a good post on life again. Maybe tomorrow I will find the ambition to do some more writing.

Dan 🙂

 

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Each Day a Gift

 

Each morn that I wake to the light of day,

Is a gift to live a life once neglected.

The breath I take a second chance to say,

All the words and thoughts I have collected.

 

Each step I take towards the higher ground,

Never forgetting the lessons of the past.

The mistakes I have made echo a sound,

Reminders of pains felt but not to last.

 

Each memory I have is mine alone,

The good and the bad hold equal standing.

History to build and shape every bone,

Weathered and cracked and always mending.

 

Each time seen in the mirror’s reflection,

The image of the man known to be true.

Masks I once wore to hide the dissection,

Rightfully shattered their time overdue.

 

Each and every thing that I have a gift,

To be cherished and held this time around.

No longer left set out to sea adrift,

The present where I dwell purpose is found.

 

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