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Posts Tagged ‘Success’

If I take an outside glance at who I am and where I am at in life i would think a few things. I am not perfect that is for certain, but at least every day I am getting more and more comfortable with who I am and where I have come from.  I have been given pretty much every reason just to throw my hands up in the air and say I give up. This is not to say that there were not times when I was on the edge of that cliff ready to give in. Each day that is further from my memory. Further from who I am now. Yes there are things I still want to change. Some deal with my physical image, and trust me I know, that needs some work. When it comes to lifestyle and the demons that have visited me in the past I seem to have some control over the wicked. Tomorrow will mark 18 months of sobreity, 18 months without a drink. A year and a half of sticking to something so important to me that I could not live with myself if I slipped. I know that this is a lot of pressure to put on ones self but it seems to work for me.  I think on top of how I would feel about myself it is the fact that I could never look my family and friends in the eyes again if I went back to the bottle. I can’t do that to them. They have been there for me and I need to repay them by sticking with it.

No matter what happens with other things in my life at the minimum I can chalk this one up as an accomplishment. With each anniversary I am reminded of this, reminded I did something right. Each anniversary I look back and am amazed to see how far I have come in such a short time. I think there is a greater change in my life though. I feel like for the most part I can say that I am relatively happy now. There are always times when something can get me down, but they do not last as long as they used to. They do not fuel the anxiety in me that I used to feel. I try to just let things go because to be honest there is so much in this life that does not really matter.

I think one of the biggest things I can look at as a possitive influence, besides my family, is the fact that I have a job I actually look forward to going to every day. No matter what I have not had that for too many years now. I am luckier than I deserve when it comes to this. We all seem to laugh and have a good time for the most part. It helps that I am a gigantic smart ass and play up the roll a bit. I like it though when I can make someone laugh or make there day a little better and I think some times I accomplish that. This also helps with the whole staying off the sauce thing because when I get off of work I don’t feel wound up. I don’t feel like I have to blow off steam or quiet my mind, more than the normal. I don’t have that itchy feeling in my skin like I have to escape.

Here is hoping that the next 18 months sees the same trend in my life. Here is hoping that I continue to get better at being me. I have my sobriety, my sanity, a good job, my family and friends.  I need to remember that every day.

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So often I become involved in a grand idea. Whether it is a new past time, hobby or any other means of distraction. I put so much effort into it that eventually I am burned out by it and lose all interest. This really is a regular cycle for me. One that I truly despise but have come to expect that it is part of who I am. Last night I finally accomplished something that is more of a personal victory than anything else recently in my life. Too many people it may not be a big deal or may just be another crazy idea that I am putting all of my heart into. To me though this is something I can finally hang my hat on. Last night at around 10:45 pm I reached the monthly target of 50,000 words, which roughly translates to a novel of about 175 pages. This is the goal of the National Novel Writing Month better known as NaNoWriMo.

This is the first time I have been successful at it, having only really competed one other time. That time I gave up on it like I have with so many other things in my life. I even had a good start and a good idea for a story as was told to me by a good friend. I still have this partial first draft and may revisit it in the future. This is a big thing to me. One of those moments I want to shout from the roof top, if not for the fact that people may believe me to be losing my mind. Now I have to refocus myself on completing my novel in the time frame of the month, which is my personal goal I have set for myself. I do not know how long my story will end up being but I have twenty days to reach that goal.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am holding back on the ideas of grandeur. I know that this is not something I should inflate my hopes too much with. It is still and will always be a dream to be published some day. To be honest though i don’t know if anything I am writing is any good. I will say this though. Some of the characters are feeling more and more alive to me. The character of LC Everett, my private detective seems to ring the loudest with me. There is something about his honesty and drive for the truth and the way he wants to protect his friends that has me drawn more into him than anybody else. It is becoming easier and easier for me to write the chapters that ivolve him because the words come to life inside my head and I just have to do what I can to transfer them to my fingers.

Anyways I just wanted to share in my jubilation. Nanowrimo, check. Novel completion, next on the list. Time to keep plowing ahead.

Dan

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