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Posts Tagged ‘Work’

Day 17 of NaNoWriMo for me has come to an end. This day has been a great success. The week past though was definitely a trying one. A creative and focus road block seemed to be securely in my way. Some days I struggled to even meet the minimum average of 1667 words. Still worse on a few I could not gather the energy to write at all. I let work be an excuse on a couple of days. Granted it is hard to write when one is mentally exhausted from a day at work and working full time.  It is the mid month lull. The excitement of the start of the project is wearing off and the real work seems to set in. Add in that there are some days where the new medications I am on cast a fog over me that is hard to shake and it was a perfect mess.

Today though was the kind of day that re-energizes me. I was able to get my best day of work in. Over 4500 words in and I even felt like I was reaching a nice flow. I brought my average count per day up and I am well on pace to finish the contest goal early. The next challenge will be to see my story to an end. The end being the most difficult part of any of the stories I have written in the past. With this looming over head I did something very different. I skipped ahead, all the way ahead. I wrote the ending to my novel. Brought the story to a climax with a thrilling show down. I loved writing it. It gave me the power to push my characters so far ahead and bring in some new ones as well. This will surely focus me to bring events in the right direction. My stories always seem to sprawl out and I have a hard time bringing everything together to an end. now I have something to work towards.

13 days remaining and I am about 12ooo words from goal. I am excited and hoping my focus stays where it is at now. Wish me luck.

 

Dan

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My life is ever evolving and changing. The future is a path that I only see a step or two at a time. I know the general direction in which I am headed but I don’t really know how I am going to get there or what the end result is going to be. At this point in my life I am okay with that because I know that I am in a good place and have a decent foundation to carry me in the right direction.

My life has changed so much in the past two years and even more so in the past two months. Those changes are continuing and this month there are going to be some pretty big ones. First off after almost two years at work they are moving me into a full time position. Money wise this is not going to be an earth shattering change as I make pretty decent money working 4 days a week. The big advantage will be the benefits, health insurance and vacation. If I could stay where I was when it comes to hours I would, but I cannot give up the chance at insurance. It is a step in the right direction and I know that this will be a great thing for me. I am already starting my schedule and at least that will help this month to go quickly. The speed at which this month passes is an important thing because of the second big change in my life.

On June 1st I will be moving to a much nicer place. It is a 3 bedroom deluxe apartment. The place is gorgeous, vaulted ceilings, two bathrooms, washer and drier in unit, dish washer, large kitchen with breakfast bar, office nook, and a whopping 1300 square feet. That alone is awesome but the fact that I will be moving in with the love of my life makes the moment even that much better. Christina and I have pretty much decided that going slowly just isn’t in the cards for us. We want to spend every free  moment we have together, and her living with friends and me in my tiny apartment with our different schedules just isn’t cutting it. Many will still think we are going too quickly, but we know how we feel and we know how life has changed us. We spent almost 5 years of our lives together and know where things went wrong. Love was never the issue.

I am very much excited for both of these changes and cannot wait to see how the future unfolds before me. Life is still surprising and amazing me, I feel I have to keep letting it do that for me, so much better than being stuck in a dull rut of the mundane. More steps in the right direction, life is ahead of me and the climb is getting easier every day.

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Time to take an aside from writing some prose and poetry and shed a little light on what has been going on in my life. Also I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read and also those who commented on my creative entries that I posted over the last couple of days. I appreciate your taking the time to read. I do get a lot of joy from creating something from scratch that comes from deep with in my mind. Anything I write has that much more truth when it is grounded in the reality of my life or feelings and that is true of what I have written recently. I also remember every time I return to my creativity just how much it relaxes me and allows me to feel like I accomplished something when I finish whatever project I am working on.

When it comes to my life and what has been going on with me I am still floating a little bit in the haze of my own wonderment. It still amazes me at how much my life has changed in such a short time. On the longer scale of things I have conquered and climbed a few mountains. On the shorter scale of time I have someone back in my life who I have always felt strongly about and now, this time around those feelings seem to be even stronger. To lose a soulmate and then have them return back into your life after so long is something that I am sure few will ever feel. Some of my friends and family are still hesitant but I know that we are both in much better places in our lives and have a firm foundation to create something so much better than we even experienced in the past.

Some times I still don’t believe that she is in my life. Sometimes I know that I am walking a little too softly afraid to step on any eggshells that might crack. I guess that caution is from knowing that there was a time when I essentially screwed up and took for granted the great thing that was in my life. That is beginning to fade now. I feel that I am more able to just be myself with out worry of stepping in the wrong places. I know more and more that she is with me now because the bond we have was strong enough to survive two years and be rekindled with just a little breath of wind. I feel like I can more and more be just myself. Not to say I was not that before, but I was also very cautious.

I am glad to see the support I am getting from my Dad and Brother. My brother is my best friend and my Dad has always been there for me, no matter what. A week or so ago My brother and his wife, Christina and I and some friends went out bowling and then we all ate dinner at my Brother’s house. We all had a good time and many laughs and things seemed to go very well. I know that Christina is very worried about being reintroduced to my family, and our close family friends. things did go a little messy when we split up, and things were said that should not have been. I worry about this too, as I just want most to be as open as they can and just see what we have right now. The present is the most important thing to live in. I know the time will come when all are comfortable with each other and I also know that the schedule for this will be set by her. All things will come in due time.

When it comes to things in other realms in my life all seems to be going well. I am trying to renew my attempts to become a little healthier. I can see that I have lost weight over the past year. I think the biggest thing is not drinking and not eating as much garbage, or bingeing when I do. More than anything I think that my body is just balancing out now. Even with this I realize I have to get out there and stay active. I have taken to walking every day. For at least 45 min to and hour. I think this is a good start and hopefully I will expand my efforts in the future. Maybe even look at a gym membership or the like. It would be nice to get back into lifting weights.

Work is going as well as ever. My numbers always seem to end the month well over what is expected. I can see after looking beyond the past year and what I am doing right now and every month seems to get better over the same month the previous year. I love my job more and more and count myself lucky to be doing something that I enjoy. July 1st will be my 2 year anniversary there and I can only hope for many more.

Think I have gone on for long enough, but it feels good to put down a good post on life again. Maybe tomorrow I will find the ambition to do some more writing.

Dan 🙂

 

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Like clockwork I tend to ignore this blog, it is not intentional but just seems to happen. Fits with who I am and my personality because as with anything in my life I have to feel the urge to do something, if not it gathers dust until it is called forward. So I thought as I am reading over some of my past entries I should log a little bit of what is going on in life.

Christmas is upon us, like a stealth assassin it hid in the bushes and reared its deadly head just before striking. Hmmm, maybe not the right visual right there but that is the feeling. It is here and the month of December has disappeared. I do not know where it went. Holidays have been pretty depressing for me over the past two years. Two years ago tomorrow my mom passed away. It feels like it has been so much longer that she has been out of my life but that is for another day.  That and with the erosion of my marriage and the family I used to have holidays have been reminders of what is missing or lost to me. I see everyone else with someone they love or care for and it is a sharp pain. Or at least it has been.

Thanksgiving was something different. For the first time in a long time I actually enjoyed the holiday. Being with my family, having a good time, lots of laughs and playing cards. It was what days like that should always be. I was able to just bask in the things I do have in my life, like a good job, family that loves me, a place to live and enough to get by. Yes things aren’t perfect but considering things could be a lot worse. This is bringing a sense of hope to me that Christmas will be better than it has been. Hopes can be dangerous things though and I know I have to keep this in check because I have a terrible way of  letting my hopes get carried away and then expectations never quite fit reality. I know that there will be some rough times, that is a given considering the history of this time of year for me, but as long as I can remember what I do have in my life it should be better than it has.

In the end it really comes down to a choice, a choice that I ahve to make to let the good things in and not dwell on the bad…..

Anyways, life otherwise has been pretty uneventful for me. That is a good thing when all is considered. I seem to be settled in at work, finding my own place after such a long time worrying about the little things, mistakes here or there. I actually enjoy working with the people I do which is a great thing and for the most part I feel like they feel the same. At least there is lots of laughter. I try not to take things too seriously but in my line of work there is always an a- hole or two who will rile you up. I try not to dwell though. Overall I think I am pretty good at my job and it is something I can see myself doing for the time to come.

I will try to remember to check in more frequently and post… Hopefully I can ride the good feelings and not let things take me too far down the wave again, I am just happy to be living more of a monotone life sans prescriptions.

Till I write again… good night.

Dan

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Being that I am hopped up on cold meds and caffeine to counteract the drowsy effects I have no idea if what I am writing is any good. I don’t plan on rereading anything till the month is up though, so I may be pleasantly surprised or horrified.

Yesterday I was off, which was a blessing for two reasons. First I was able to get a head start on my writing for NaNoWriMo. I put in more than 9000 words which is roughly a little more than five days of writing. This is great because I never know when life is going to get in the way, even though that thought is funny if you know my life and how little comprises of its daily tasks. Second I am sick as a dog so it was nice to be off. Unfortunately I am just as sick today and have to go back out into the working world. I am sure that it will prove to be a long day of blowing my nose between helping customers. I would call in if I could but I don’t think they would appreciate that.

Regarding my story I am happy with where things are going write now. The characters are taking shape and my direction is changing as I go. I am enjoying writing about the private detective in my story. This is the kind of thing I have never really done before. MY writing in the past has always been in the sci fi and fantasy genre, sometimes even horror in short story form. It is fun to be creative in a different way. I was told though that mysteries can be difficult especially the way that I right, which is making a lot of it up as I go. I am sure there will be some trying times, hopefully though I will be able to work through them.

Anyways below I have included an excerpt from the story so far where the private detective is revealed. Let me know what you think.

 

Private Detectives Location

(unedited)

The office sat in the middle of a rundown strip mall just off of the highway. Half of the stores were shuddered up, signs of a small town bending under the weight of an economy that could no longer support it. Only two other businesses were left in business inside of its cookie cutter store front space. One of them was a used book store specializing in four for a dollar specials and where no real gems could be found or were already picked through and sold for much greater profit online. The second of the three occupied spaces held a cramped asian market that held all sorts of oddities and aromas that could not be deciphered, nor did many really want to know what they really were. The third little shop held an office. Nothing special about it. Plate glass out front read LC Everett PI. He was a rare breed in these woods. A detective trying to make his own way and not officed in a larger city. He would work there of course but drew the line at having to reside there. Everett enjoyed the slower pace of this area and was just fine with the slow business as long as he could always pay the bills, which was most months that is. The front room held two chairs and a receptionist desk that was never manned. The two chairs supposedly for if he ever had more than one client in at a time. Lc could not remember if that had ever actually happened. In the back office LC made his home among the file cabinets that held his years of work. Mostly spouses trying to catch their cheating significant others. And most of the time their hunches were dead on. He did not enjoy that part of the job. Confirming to individuals that there marriage truly was over and it was time to hire a lawyer instead of a private dick. There were good moments though, which were few and far between, and then there was the grey area that filled everywhere else.

LC was upper middle aged. Balding and big in stature. Not out of shape by any means but the kind of country big that one would find on the farm. In his youth he was the town hero. Football star in highschool. Promise and all that until an injury ended his playing days and he decided to take up law enforcement. He was a good cop. Honest and tenacious when it came to finding the truth. Many times at the cost of the law that he felt shielded criminals far too much. He left, on who’s terms he never says and started his own path to finding the truth where he would have the leeway and freedom to use the means necessary. He had regrets about the past, but those are just it, the past, now he deals in other peoples pasts.

Before him scattered on the desk were a few files. These files were not of the typical types that he saw come through his office. There were two names on the files. Each of them a case of a missing loved one. In each case there was no evidence of foul play and in each case the police never opened an investigation. These two cases were his hobby. The things he worked on during his own time. Cases that occupied him as a puzzle he could not solve. He was preparing for his weekly update. It was a task he felt obligated to complete even though he knew that it was not necessary. He looked over the first file and dialed the number having committed it to memory. He cleared his throat as the line rang. On the other end an elderly woman picked up the phone.

“Mrs. Harris?” he waited for her reply knowing already that it was the 70 year old woman he had spoken with weekly for almost two years now. “Yes Mrs Harris, its LC Everett…. Yes Mrs Harris” Her voice was distant and quiet as she spoke “No Mrs Harris, unfortunately I don’t have any good news. I have not found anything new yet…. I am sorry” She paused on the line and for a moment no one spoke “I will keep working to find your son mrs harris…” He looked at the picture of the 46 year old scientist. He looked like any average decent person. Missing for two years now and no new information. “Mrs Harris you do not need to worry about sending me any payment. We talked about this already” He paused to let her say she insisted. “If you want to send me anything send me some of that cranberry bread I love so much. We will call it even then…. Alright Mrs Harris. Have a good night”

With that he hung up the phone and set the picture back on the desk. He rubbed his fist into his eyes trying to relax away some of the strain. Not having the answers was the toughest part of the job. Not knowing, when knowing was what he did. He had spent thousands of his own money on these cases and could he say he was any closer? He sighed and picked up the second folder. “Angela Beal” This was a call that he would not have to make again. He was too late for this one. LC picked up the news paper on the far end of his desk and flipped it open. He set it down flat and looked in his desk. Rummaging for an item until he found what he was after. Withdrawing a pair of scissors he began to cut into the paper. Methodically he clipped out a small article the size of a common coupon. On it was the picture of a man. He found a pin and stood up walking over to the cork board on the far end of the room across from his desk. He pushed the pinned article into the board and stood there reading the obituary for the fifth time that day. The picture was that of Thomas Beal, loving husband of Angela Beal. The obit failed to state it but LC new the facts. Thomas Beal was found in his garage by a neighbor with his car running. He died of carbon monoxide poisoning. LC was too late for him. He failed Thomas and Angela too. He vowed to continue his search for answers.

He shook his head and grabbed his wool jacket off of the rack by the door as he headed from his office and locked the door. He had to touch base with the facts again. Or try to start from the beginning. It was a good thing he never married because if he was any wife would obviously think he was out cheating and would soon have another PI out investigating him. All they would find would be a man obsessed with his job and answers. This was his life, and it was his passion. At the moment he did not need anything else, except maybe for some black coffee, the kind of stuff that would raise the hairs on your neck. He knew just the place and smiled as he got into his dinged up Cadillac. It wasn’t pretty but atleast it was roomy and reliable. That was what he needed. He started the car and quickly pointed it in the direction of the Route 42 café.

He drove along the back roads and side streets, taking his time, taking in the surroundings. As always watching and observing. He loved the lifeblood of small towns and cities. They were always alive if not on as big a scale as the big cities, but here you could more easily pick out the character that completed the city as a whole. Every place this size had a living breathing life of its own. He could always feel its pulse and knew exactly where to get the most current information if you knew how to weed out the facts from the gossip. In LC’s mind gossip always had some truth in it. That is what would make it juicy.

(works copyright of the blog owner)

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Solitude is a two fold thing for me. I find that I enjoy the quiet and time to myself. I like the peace and quiet and the ability to do what I want when I want. I don’t always feel the need to be out there doing something. There is a point though where one as myself begins to worry that I am getting to used to it and withdrawing a bit too much from the rest of society. My life essentially consists of going to work and coming home. That is it, pretty boring person I know.

I brought this up to my boss at work in conversation and he mentioned that he is the same way he laughed when I said I was worried I would become a hermit. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not the crazy shut in who mumbles to himself and has newspapers piled everywhere. I am just comfortable in my own little corner of the world and I do not easily want to break out of the well worn rut that is my life. I feel the need lately to break out of that pattern. I want to go out and do things and be more active. Have a social life as you would say.

Their are two problems with this. One is that I have very few friends. One of them has been a good friend for years and went to school with me. Another lives more then three hours away in another state. The third is my brother Josh who I would consider my best friend. all of these people would be here for me in an instant, but these are all I really have. I have other friends but they remind me of things that are lost in my life as they came from when I was married. It is hard to do anything with them for the memories they would drag up.

The second issue is that in small town wisconsin, having a social life too often means hanging out in bars or being around those drinking in any other place. I no longer drink but I understand that there are times when I have to be less sensitive to such things and not let it get to me. I know that I can be around others who drink as my previous roommate and one of the friends listed above would have beer in the house and drink on occassion and I was never tempted to do the same. I also know that there were times when I highly resented him and became very moody because of the fact that he could drink and I could not.

So you can see this is not the easiest thing in the world. They may be excuses, but if so I am saying them hoping to overcome them. I told somebody at work that I would not mind hanging out some weekend and would not really care if it is at a bar. I guess I just want to be a part of something. I just want to have interactions that draw my mind away from the self destructive thought processes that seap in when I am alone. I know that most of the time my mind is at its clearest when I am at work and chatting with my coworkers, more often than anything bs’ing as I like to say. When I laugh and joke around I forget the demons of my past and my true self seems to shine through the most. I want more of that. I want to be that person more often and I know that I cannot be that way sitting at home all alone living inside my head.

Dan

 

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