Life as I know it

Time to take an aside from writing some prose and poetry and shed a little light on what has been going on in my life. Also I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read and also those who commented on my creative entries that I posted over the last couple of days. I appreciate your taking the time to read. I do get a lot of joy from creating something from scratch that comes from deep with in my mind. Anything I write has that much more truth when it is grounded in the reality of my life or feelings and that is true of what I have written recently. I also remember every time I return to my creativity just how much it relaxes me and allows me to feel like I accomplished something when I finish whatever project I am working on.

When it comes to my life and what has been going on with me I am still floating a little bit in the haze of my own wonderment. It still amazes me at how much my life has changed in such a short time. On the longer scale of things I have conquered and climbed a few mountains. On the shorter scale of time I have someone back in my life who I have always felt strongly about and now, this time around those feelings seem to be even stronger. To lose a soulmate and then have them return back into your life after so long is something that I am sure few will ever feel. Some of my friends and family are still hesitant but I know that we are both in much better places in our lives and have a firm foundation to create something so much better than we even experienced in the past.

Some times I still don’t believe that she is in my life. Sometimes I know that I am walking a little too softly afraid to step on any eggshells that might crack. I guess that caution is from knowing that there was a time when I essentially screwed up and took for granted the great thing that was in my life. That is beginning to fade now. I feel that I am more able to just be myself with out worry of stepping in the wrong places. I know more and more that she is with me now because the bond we have was strong enough to survive two years and be rekindled with just a little breath of wind. I feel like I can more and more be just myself. Not to say I was not that before, but I was also very cautious.

I am glad to see the support I am getting from my Dad and Brother. My brother is my best friend and my Dad has always been there for me, no matter what. A week or so ago My brother and his wife, Christina and I and some friends went out bowling and then we all ate dinner at my Brother’s house. We all had a good time and many laughs and things seemed to go very well. I know that Christina is very worried about being reintroduced to my family, and our close family friends. things did go a little messy when we split up, and things were said that should not have been. I worry about this too, as I just want most to be as open as they can and just see what we have right now. The present is the most important thing to live in. I know the time will come when all are comfortable with each other and I also know that the schedule for this will be set by her. All things will come in due time.

When it comes to things in other realms in my life all seems to be going well. I am trying to renew my attempts to become a little healthier. I can see that I have lost weight over the past year. I think the biggest thing is not drinking and not eating as much garbage, or bingeing when I do. More than anything I think that my body is just balancing out now. Even with this I realize I have to get out there and stay active. I have taken to walking every day. For at least 45 min to and hour. I think this is a good start and hopefully I will expand my efforts in the future. Maybe even look at a gym membership or the like. It would be nice to get back into lifting weights.

Work is going as well as ever. My numbers always seem to end the month well over what is expected. I can see after looking beyond the past year and what I am doing right now and every month seems to get better over the same month the previous year. I love my job more and more and count myself lucky to be doing something that I enjoy. July 1st will be my 2 year anniversary there and I can only hope for many more.

Think I have gone on for long enough, but it feels good to put down a good post on life again. Maybe tomorrow I will find the ambition to do some more writing.

Dan 🙂

 

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Feeling creative…

Feeling like doing some more writing. I don’t know it what form that will be. Maybe some poetry or short stories would be the right path for me to venture down. I know that whatever I work on my perspective is definitely changed over what it has been. Life is changing and that is always the one constant that we can be sure of. Sometimes, if we are lucky, those changes are positive. So I can see the future through a much brighter light right now. Everything is just a little bit better, sweeter, more colorful and more vivid. I leave you with some of my sappiness in all of its sappy glory. You can feel queasy if you like or you can share in the joy that I am feeling.

This is for the one I love, the one who was in my life for so long and then gone in a flash. Now our paths have brought us back together and we are both in different, better places than we have been in the past. So here goes. Short and sweet.

 

A future we can have

 

It is there upon my sleeve,

Open bare to the light of day.

My fears and doubts I will leave,

The risk worth any price to pay .

 

My heart there for you to take,

Trust your hands to safely hold.

Love I no longer forsake,

Once lost and out in the cold.

 

Your eyes hold a reflection,

Of the future we can mold.

A life that we can fashion,

Of the love that we both hold

 

 

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Wondering where the cameras are?

It seems to be a story that is told in cinema time and time again. An unexpected love blooms into a life all its own. Ups and downs fill that life until threads are pulled and things start to unravel due to personal demons, and not the fact that there is no more love there. The heart still feels even though things must come to an end and this causes even that much more pain. It can be seen in the eyes when goodbye is finally said for what feels the last time. The two individuals head down different paths. One path leads to the bottom of a life that has seen its decent last a little too long. He is given the chance though to make the decision to either start the climb back to the top or slowly die in the remnants of his life. The decision is made to look to the top.

The other looks to another life full of other possibilities. The two of them moving on in their lives working at the happiness that they see that they can have. Time comes and goes. Life moves along and stability builds in the man’s life, his worst demons finally safely locked in the cells where they belong. Happiness and a comfort in his life have settled in and after so many years finally feels as a grown man should. No longer feeling like some immature kid thrown into a life he was not ready for.

One day out of the blue a message he receives from the one who had his heart so firmly a few years past. Surprise is one of many emotions felt. A message sent at reconnecting a friendship that once meant so much. A debate wages inside his mind. Reminders of what went wrong and also the emotions and joy that was also felt being around her. In the end he comes to the understanding that his life is in a different place now. A different man and more a truer him than he has ever been in his life.

Messages back and forth lead to a meeting. Dinner and hanging out. talking, reconnecting, laughing and playing some games. It is a surreal feeling for him. Having her there, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. How can two people who have seen life take them so far away after being so close be so comfortable? There would be more talks back and forth and other times hanging out, just relaxing and watching a movie or playing some games. Every time a feeling growing in him that his heart has never changed. The drum beat that was her inside his head only softened to a distant drown instead of the roar that it once was. That beat becoming a little louder again. He knows that she has been through a lot in life, her pacing at it maybe different, but still a journey that took a lot from her. All he wants is to be there for her. All he wants is to make her laugh and show her that life can be a thing to smile at again. He can feel that there is a bond there, but also a pain from a betrayal she has felt.

His head wants to yell at him to take it slow but his heart and soul want to jump in. A battle that wages in his mind. In the end his true self is one built on emotion and always has been. The heart can lead us to feel some of the greatest joys in life but this also leaves us open to pain if things do not go as planned. If life always went as planned we would never be so amazed at the surprises that it could spring on us. The good moments would never feel so good. The chance of pain makes the highs so much better. He makes his feelings known. He bares himself to her. Lets her know that whatever time it takes is worth it. He has waited almost two years without her in his life and now just enjoys every little moment that they can steal. Every bit of time that they have together. She is scared and rightfully so. He is not going anywhere though. A vow to be there for her, to show her that she can smile and enjoy the moment again.

Sometimes it takes two people going off and living their own lives. Feeling their own joys and pain. Experiencing the world on their own to show them just how much they mean to each other when the world brings them back together again. After what they have both been through they can see what is truly worth it in life. That even though something might not be easy, and may be full of complications it is worth it. Even if the world might think them odd or even a bit crazy. Even if they worry about what their family and friends might think only they know what they feel in their hearts. Only they can really understand where they are at in life and when life has shown you the ups and downs, when you are given a second chance with better circumstances, it is something you have to grasp.

Dan

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